I recently read a blog article titled, “Controlling the Techie Tween,” by Gila Brown, parent coach, over at Mamapedia Voices.
I read with interest, her parental coaching tips regarding technology and tweens. She states, “While kids may not be able to articulate their need for gadgetry, parents need to understand and respect it. Trying to control the usage or censor the content, only serves to undermine the parent-child relationship.” And, “The bottom line is that trying to control the techie tween is futile and unproductive.”
Is she kidding?!
Her article stresses that instead of trying to control your child’s gadgetry, your energy “would be better spent on communicating with them to develop a mutual trust.” Um, exactly how are we supposed to do that if they’re plugged in all the time?
Nope, I must respectfully disagree with Ms. Brown.
As parents, it’s our job, to set some limits and controls, until our tweens and teens develop enough self-discipline to manage it on their own. For Christmas last year, we finally got both our teens “real” cell phones as opposed to the $19.99 Tracfones and accompanying 3-month/60-minute phone cards we’d purchased for them at Meijer in 1986. (Okay, just kidding—it wasn’t really 1986!) For an added surprise, we included the unlimited texting feature.
Well, it wasn’t long before the texting frenzy began. Then came the IM’s, listening to iPods while sending e-mails, Internet surfing, requests for Facebook pages and before we knew it—all this techie stuff was getting out of hand.
So my hubby and I established some techie-related guidelines that must be followed, or the privilege of using all this cool new technology becomes null and void. For example:
-We installed security software on our computer to keep the creepy porn stuff out, then we permitted each of our teens to have a Facebook account with the stipulation that they each accept mom as one of their “friends,” and had to give us their top-secret password for page access.
-No texting during family game nights, movie nights, meals, or “real life” conversations.
-Cell phones turned off and turned in at bedtime.
-Absolutely NO texting while driving!
- No texting during school hours.
-Absolutely NO texting while driving!
- No texting during school hours.
-No texting or Facebook while doing homework.
Exception to this rule: AP Physics. Prompted by the following conversation:
“Mom can you help me with this problem?”
Leaning over my daughter’s shoulder, I viewed the confusing physics jumble staring back at me from the computer screen. I read it through. Read it again. And again. My mouth hung open for several seconds, before my vision cleared and I was able to turn and focus on my girl’s sweet, hopeful face. “Uh…no, honey. No I can’t. Maybe you should text somebody from your class?”
And finally…
-No privacy. This one’s a bit more controversial, but once they’re 18, and off on their own new adventures, they’ll have all the privacy they want. But for now, as the parents, we’re responsible for their welfare. If periodically checking the content of e-mails, IM’s or text messages helps us do that, we’ll do it in a heartbeat.
Up until about a year ago, my hubby and I were blissfully unaware of how the world of tween and teen communication had been changing all around us. But the fact of the matter is, whether we like it or not, whether we agree with it or not, these techie toys are here to stay. And it’s the responsible parent who does the tough job of learning their way around this new world. And it’s the loving parent who takes the time to set up some boundaries, never tuning out to the fact that their kids are plugged in.
Image by: ydhsu
